Insomnia

One might think that the most amazing thing about being awake at two in the morning is simply the fact that you cannot sleep, but it's not. The most amazing thing is what you think about.

I found myself thinking of all the words that start with ab. Abdomen, absolution, abuse, about, abstract and the list went on and on. That should be enough to bore anyone into a blissful slumber, but no.

I moved on to my nightly dissection of all the things that are wrong in my life. By the time I got to the end of the list I should have been comatose, but again, no.

I pondered exactly how many loads of laundry are sorted and sitting in my hallway right now. I made a mental note to remember to take the softball trophies to school to give to the girls that missed the end of season party. Another mental note was made to send lunch money for Zachary. Oh, one more mental note made to take PTA parent volunteer forms to fellow coordinator. Tomorrow when I have forgotten to do one or more of these things I will wish I had made written notes.

I start wondering why smell and music are such powerful memory keys. I remember getting a whiff of Dove soap the other day and thinking of my grandmother and how that was her smell; that and Listerine. Why do certain songs imprint themselves on the moments we heard them being played? If you are Paul McCartney, Elton John, Don Henley or some other talented songwriter how do you reconcile yourself to the fact that you have produced something that can instantly transport a person to another place in time when just a few notes of it are played?

I worry about whether or not I will be able to obtain a mental grasp on College Algebra or should I drop it for now. I won't have any better grasp on it later, but I can't afford anything lower than a "B" at the moment. On the other hand I need the hours.

I think it's time to start my daily pleadings with God to help me and to make everything alright. Then I realize He has and I have screwed up all the opportunities He has given me.