Rewarding Kids
(This was originally a response to a discussion taking place on one of my email groups. It's been slightly retooled for posting here.)
Am I the only one who thinks it's time we stop molly-coddling the kids, quit tiptoeing around and trying to be so PC and let them learn to deal with reality???
I'm all for rewarding good behavior and helping them develop good self-esteem, but some of this "feeling good about ourselves" stuff has just gone WAY over the top. We're spending a lot of time and energy on making sure that no one ever gets their feelings hurt, feels left out or feels that their abilities are any less or different than anyone else's.
So, when these kids go out into the real world where there is no mommy and daddy to protect them they are going to be spending a good portion of their income on anti-depressants and psychotherapy while they figure out that the world is not the place they believed it was going to be. If these kids are never forced to face a disppointment in life and deal with it are they not going to be a complete mess when real life slaps them in the face for the first time?
I didn't make grade school cheerleader. I was devastated. Guess what? I learned that you can't always get what you want. (Gives a nod to the Stones) Now, you don't have to be able to make the cut. If mom and dad can pony up the $600 for uniforms, you too can be a cheerleader!! What are we teaching them? That anything worth wanting or doing isn't worth working for, but it's worth paying for?
As for awards/rewards, I always thought that they were intended for the top 3 or4 of a group who excelled in a certain area. Webster's definition is "to confer or bestow as being deserved or merited". If we now give*everyone*an award, doesn't that negate the "merit" portion? I'm also not real thrilled to find out awards like "most thoughtful" are being handed out at some schools simply because things like that boil down to common courtesy and good manners. In our home those things are requirements- basic non-negotiable rules that do not earn rewards. As a matter of fact, if you don't use your good manners you might find yourself losing a privilege.
Once upon a time there were 2 sisters attending a high school. Their mother was at the school constantly arguing for this and arguing for that. The girls are brilliant, so it's not as if she was there protesting a bad grade. She was there making insane demands like changing the prom date becuase it didn't fit in with her daughter's schedule. Administrators would see her coming and dive into their offices and close their doors to avoid her. My point here is that if these girls never had to experience a bad grade, a missed prom or a disappointment of any kind how in the world are they going to make it through life? Eventually they're going to come up against a major disappointment and fall to pieces.
I guess I'm extremely old fashioned in this area, but I trulybelieve that the system that was in place for most of my youth was pretty effective in helping me to be realistic about what life was really going to be like and not leading me to believe I was going to live in some idyllic society where I was always "special" or "important"or any other of a host of adjectives that are now being pasted onto kids to ensure that they live in a constant halo of high self-esteem.
Am I the only one who thinks it's time we stop molly-coddling the kids, quit tiptoeing around and trying to be so PC and let them learn to deal with reality???
I'm all for rewarding good behavior and helping them develop good self-esteem, but some of this "feeling good about ourselves" stuff has just gone WAY over the top. We're spending a lot of time and energy on making sure that no one ever gets their feelings hurt, feels left out or feels that their abilities are any less or different than anyone else's.
So, when these kids go out into the real world where there is no mommy and daddy to protect them they are going to be spending a good portion of their income on anti-depressants and psychotherapy while they figure out that the world is not the place they believed it was going to be. If these kids are never forced to face a disppointment in life and deal with it are they not going to be a complete mess when real life slaps them in the face for the first time?
I didn't make grade school cheerleader. I was devastated. Guess what? I learned that you can't always get what you want. (Gives a nod to the Stones) Now, you don't have to be able to make the cut. If mom and dad can pony up the $600 for uniforms, you too can be a cheerleader!! What are we teaching them? That anything worth wanting or doing isn't worth working for, but it's worth paying for?
As for awards/rewards, I always thought that they were intended for the top 3 or4 of a group who excelled in a certain area. Webster's definition is "to confer or bestow as being deserved or merited". If we now give*everyone*an award, doesn't that negate the "merit" portion? I'm also not real thrilled to find out awards like "most thoughtful" are being handed out at some schools simply because things like that boil down to common courtesy and good manners. In our home those things are requirements- basic non-negotiable rules that do not earn rewards. As a matter of fact, if you don't use your good manners you might find yourself losing a privilege.
Once upon a time there were 2 sisters attending a high school. Their mother was at the school constantly arguing for this and arguing for that. The girls are brilliant, so it's not as if she was there protesting a bad grade. She was there making insane demands like changing the prom date becuase it didn't fit in with her daughter's schedule. Administrators would see her coming and dive into their offices and close their doors to avoid her. My point here is that if these girls never had to experience a bad grade, a missed prom or a disappointment of any kind how in the world are they going to make it through life? Eventually they're going to come up against a major disappointment and fall to pieces.
I guess I'm extremely old fashioned in this area, but I trulybelieve that the system that was in place for most of my youth was pretty effective in helping me to be realistic about what life was really going to be like and not leading me to believe I was going to live in some idyllic society where I was always "special" or "important"or any other of a host of adjectives that are now being pasted onto kids to ensure that they live in a constant halo of high self-esteem.
posted by Becky/Skein Gang at
9:35 PM
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